Batarustaa Garakuchika

Okay, so, last couple of days.

Yesterday I spent several hours out on the lawn with the girls, tossing tennis balls and frisbees and playing tag. It was really amazing, actually, and I have some grass stains to prove it. None of us really did any work, but we did eat some pringles, which I think in the end amounts to about the same thing.

So I watched some Battlestar Galactica this afternoon and found it mostly delightful. I think I'm five episodes into the first season-- the only thing that seems to bother me is the sheer number of metaphorical time bombs onboard. The level of dramatic irony is off the charts, almost to the point where it becomes a strain to watch. So many people know so many things which are so dangerous that it's nerve-wracking just to emotionally engage (which, of course, one inherently wants to do-- what with all the phenomenal characters). But really, it's such a well-executed show, and it manages to be relevant (topical, even) without coming off as allegorical-- no small feat!

I've been watching another show... It is, how do we say, not as classy. It marks me as an even greater dork than I admit to by watching Galactica. I don't want to admit to anything directly, but it may or may not start with an Azumanga and end with a Daioh. If nobody knows what that is, then please don't bother to find out. My self-esteem will be better off that way.

I introduced Aerin to "The Great Mouse Detective" this evening, which is always a treat. She's a Holmes fan, too, which made it all the sweeter.

A little bit more of The Silence recently, though not today. I'm slowly pulling myself out of the slump.

I've got a five minute presentation to throw together tomorrow on Fargo. I'm torn between doing the work, because it's Fargo, and not doing the work, because it's work. You know how it is.

I suppose that's about it for now. As the weather becomes even more wonderful here, I continue to wish that I had spent summer abroad and not winter. It's so much easier to appreciate your surroundings when they're pleasant-- and anyway, summer is the season of adventure. It's a little sad that my summer will be the return to ordinary life... I'm excited as all hell to come home, but coming home isn't really an adventure... I guess, for the first time, I'm trying not to idealize summer. I'm realizing that it's probably going to be what it is every year-- sitting around playing games with the guys and worrying about money. I need a heavy dose of that right about now, but I know exactly what that's going to be like.

I left home because I felt a growing sense of separation between myself and those around me, and I recognized that this separation was not external but internal... I left so I might be able to better understand it. Now, I think I do understand it-- it was the beginning of a realization of one of the fundamental precepts of the universe: we are all alone. And no matter who is along with us for the ride, no matter how strongly we believe in our desire to remain united with those important to us, there will always be things that can separate us. There is no such thing as an inseparable bond.

Every fibre of my romantic nature strives to deny this, and I left home hoping that maybe I would find something that could help me prove it untrue. But this year has only driven the point home in my mind that separation from loved ones is an inevitability, because everyone will ultimately act in their own best interest, because we are all aware on some level that we exist separately from others and must do what is right for ourselves, and this is the only way to be true to our existence.

Or is this merely another perspective I take because it is natural for my phase of life? Does this seem apparent to me as truth (or is this true to me) because I am twenty-one? Will this change? Nothing is certain. Everything in flux.

For my part, I continue to hope that I am wrong-- I continue to suspect that I am right.